I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
