think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you will always have a special place in my vag
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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