its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
