I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
