this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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