one word: firstdatebathroomanal
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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