using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
