so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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