Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
