no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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