I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
