found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
