I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
