That's when you crack a 10am beer
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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