he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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