Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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