I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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