I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just invented taco cereal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
