i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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