I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
