Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
