We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
