I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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