yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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