Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
