At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
