matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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