Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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