I wannas sexs uuuuu
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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