So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
