FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
