apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
