where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she was so not down for the gang bang
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
