You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
