Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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