I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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