I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
