Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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