Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
