GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
