We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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