I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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