woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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