you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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