I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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