Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
