I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
