you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
