better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
