The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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