Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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