We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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