me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
